You know what’s really weird? No matter what I consume, I always end up pooping poop. Like, I don’t ever EAT poop, but it’s always what comes out of me! Is my body just playing some joke on me, or is it turning everything I eat into poop? Or are we born with a certain amount of poop inside of us and over the span of our lives it escapes from our bottoms? Even with today’s advanced science, we still aren’t certain of the origins and inner-workings of poop. I guess we’ll never really know. Poop is the great mystery of life.
So there’s this video from Uganda of this man who calls himself Pastor Doctor Martin Ssempa who gives speeches about how homosexuality is totally vile and should not be condoned or allowed. It’s totally hilarious because the man is A) clearly obsessed with poop, and B) completely insane. If you haven’t seen it, I shall post it below this adorable poop-shaped warning:
First of all, the gays aren’t the ones known for being into poop, that’s the Germans. Duh. Secondly, gay people do way cooler things than mess with poop. They have parades, make great clothes, own tiny dogs, and several other things that I can’t remember because who cares about gays, anyway? Why are people who claim to be straight so interested in the lives of the gays? Like the marriage issue. Marriage looks totally horrible. If you truly hated gays, you would gladly let them have the opportunity to enter into marriage. It’s like a domestic concentration camp for couples that has somehow gotten the reputation for being exclusive, but the only thing exclusive about it is how much money it costs to get out. Shit, if you really wanted to stick it to them queers, you would make gay marriage MANDATORY. Plus, most of them only want to get married because they can’t. Just like how people who smoke marijuana only do it because it’s illegal. It has nothing to do with getting high, being at ease, expanding your mind, and experiencing euphoria. People ONLY do it because it makes them look rebellious and wild! Same with eating poop. Once we all just accept it, the Germans will give it up. Lose the shock factor and you’ve got nothin’. That’s why nobody cares about Lady Gaga anymore, she should have kept the penis. And that concludes my blog on poop.