BONER TOWN wit britany p.

You know what’s really weird? No matter what I consume, I always end up pooping poop. Like, I don’t ever EAT poop, but it’s always what comes out of me! Is my body just playing some joke on me, or is it turning everything I eat into poop? Or are we born with a certain amount of poop inside of us and over the span of our lives it escapes from our bottoms? Even with today’s advanced science, we still aren’t certain of the origins and inner-workings of poop. I guess we’ll never really know. Poop is the great mystery of life.

So there’s this video from Uganda of this man who calls himself Pastor Doctor Martin Ssempa who gives speeches about how homosexuality is totally vile and should not be condoned or allowed. It’s totally hilarious because the man is A) clearly obsessed with poop, and B) completely insane. If you haven’t seen it, I shall post it below this adorable poop-shaped warning:

First of all, the gays aren’t the ones known for being into poop, that’s the Germans. Duh. Secondly, gay people do way cooler things than mess with poop. They have parades, make great clothes, own tiny dogs, and several other things that I can’t remember because who cares about gays, anyway? Why are people who claim to be straight so interested in the lives of the gays? Like the marriage issue. Marriage looks totally horrible. If you truly hated gays, you would gladly let them have the opportunity to enter into marriage. It’s like a domestic concentration camp for couples that has somehow gotten the reputation for being exclusive, but the only thing exclusive about it is how much money it costs to get out. Shit, if you really wanted to stick it to them queers, you would make gay marriage MANDATORY. Plus, most of them only want to get married because they can’t. Just like how people who smoke marijuana only do it because it’s illegal. It has nothing to do with getting high, being at ease, expanding your mind, and experiencing euphoria. People ONLY do it because it makes them look rebellious and wild! Same with eating poop. Once we all just accept it, the Germans will give it up. Lose the shock factor and you’ve got nothin’. That’s why nobody cares about Lady Gaga anymore, she should have kept the penis. And that concludes my blog on poop. 

DAY. Me say DAY. somethin somethin then we gonna go home.

hahahaha forrealz though Beetlejuice is the best movie of all time. #FACT

another #FACT. I have been drinking. Not a lot. But enough to admit that I don’t really know what I was trying to do with this blog. I’ve been asking dudes to send in pictures of themselves with bananas for weeks now, with no real goal in mind. I mean I remember thinking it was just generally funny to see men eating bananas. Look, let’s just pretend I’m super sure of myself about what makes for good blogging. This place is called Boner Town. Clearly, nobody of sound mind is in charge. You only have yourself to blame. So here we go.

Bananas look like dicks, y’all. Dicks. But you eat them! All the time! I see you doing it. You go to the produce department and you pick out a lovely bunch of dicks. You say “Oh my what a great source of Potassium” or some shit. Then you peel it & jam it in your dick hole. I mean pie hole. You put it in your mouth. You go OM NOM NOM all over it like a filthy slut. Yeah you, man. You are a nana whore. Wait, that sounds like you fuck your grandma. Hahahahahah YOU FUCK YOUR GRANDMA? Get out of here.

Look at that guy. He got caught. He likes eating bananas. He loves it. All up in his mouth, down his throat, toward the gullet and what have you. {insert detailed explanation of how food is processed inside our bodies}

You know who that is? It’s Jeff Buckley! He eats bananas from beyond the grave.

It’s Andre3000BANANAZ!

This guy is totally hip to nanerz. #NoHomo

This is one of my favorite pictures of a man with bananas. Not because he is totally omg so effing hot (because he is) but because this is an ad for some kind of Australian company that makes underwear out of bananas. Seriously. Check it out BANANA BRIEFS. I don’t know how they do it, but I’m intrigued. Every man should own a pair of banana underpants.

Another cool thing about bananas: they can be used as pretend phones. Yup. Seriously. Hold one up to your ear and just try and tell me it doesn’t look & feel like a real phone.

This guy is double cool because not only is he handling a banana, he is also wearing one on his shirt. +2000 Nana Points.

There are innovative ways to use bananas, too. Check out Nathan Bacon AKA The Uniblogger AKA My Twitter friend AKA Learning how to spell big words.

So I don’t really know what else to say. I think I just like having boys send me pictures of themselves with bananas. It’s my new hobby. Get on it.