So I started this thing where I get paid to reply to lonely men on the internet via this dating site thing.. I know this sounds really legit & like, professional. ANYWAY, as you might imagine, I become bored with acting normal bc it is just sooooo boring to be all “oh hi, you have big muscles tee-hee-hee” all the time. Sometimes I become weirdly resentful of how dumb shit like this is what women do for money (but mostly my mindset is that it’s awesome bc really ONLY women can make money doing easy shit like this) but also sometimes it’s just a huge inner debate with myself over if I’m being true to my feminist beliefs or just aiding in the perpetuation of the objectification of women?? Then I realize that this very conversation taking place inside my brain is actually PROOF that I am doing okay bc most of the women doing this are probably slutty stripper airheads. If there’s one thing that feminists are good at, it’s calling other women dumb whores! Or is that just women? Oh, who knows anymore.. the vagina is still a mystery to me. So I recently submitted this reply before totally realizing how hilarious & insane it was. The guy seemed nice enough & normal but I just let my juices flow and well, my juices are weird, man. I mean I just want you to start from the top again and understand the thought process that I experience before I do things. Like, all things. Even small things. I am so OCD sometimes that I don’t get anything done. For example, I haven’t updated this blog in months. Like multiple months. I don’t even know how many. I would take a guess but guessing gives me anxiety. Do you just want to like, read the thing I was trying to tell you about? Ok here:
“Thanks for the kind words. How old are you? You look really in shape. I need to get on that getting fit bandwagon. Sometimes I work out but then I get too proud & reward myself with like 1000 cakes. Then I cry about what a gluttonous slob I’ve become. It’s just a momentary lapse though, I always bounce back to barely eating anything just like a real girl is supposed to. Sometimes I don’t eat anything for days just because I don’t even want to think about pooping. It’s so annoying, like why do we even waste time doing that? Seems like science should have come up with some way for us to be able to not need to poop anymore, ya know?”
So maybe eventually I won’t get money for doing ridiculously easy things because I can’t even handle that.. it’s almost like it’s too easy so I’ve made it exceptionally difficult or gone out of my way to get fired from something that is probably too stupid to even get fired from. Eventually I’ll probably just build a rocket ship or invent new ways to breathe.